reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
