discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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