Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
