smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
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