we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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