Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
