My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
