I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Who wears a wallet chain?!
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
