pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
