all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I intend to get homeless drunk
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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