It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
