you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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