I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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