thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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