your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House