My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
