feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
