walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
The adults are the big ones right?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
