ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
