Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
