I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
