It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
