I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
