when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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