dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize