Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
