Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
