Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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