Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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