when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
