why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize