it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
How does it feel to date your dad?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
