This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
