i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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