i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
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Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
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Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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