I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Randomize
