At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
if only i could text you this smell
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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