It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
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No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
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He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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