on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
