Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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