once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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