I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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