If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
