Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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