I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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