There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
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