He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
