I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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