apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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