Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
