y did u give ur computer a hand job?
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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