is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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