his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
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At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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