I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
