We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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