I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
