We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
There was a lot of him and a little penis
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How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
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I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs