I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed