wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.